Day 12 V 3.0 In other news, I have The Cancer

Yeah, I know. I was shocked and a little pissy, too. Because we were JUST told that no, no it's not cancer. Just some ovaries in my cysts and uterus in my tumors. Yeppers, that is exactly how the Dr. explained it to me; that I was just full up on things that shouldn't be there but because my family doesn't have a history of gynecological cancers (now, everything else, stomach, brain, liver, breast: affirmative) he didn't take seriously the results of the initial CA 125 test that was done (and understand, that test is not definitive proof by itself; I trust you will Google this and educate yourselves because you seem to be fairly self motivating), he didn't give the outrageous result of that test the weight that it should have been given based not on family history but actual, you know, symptoms such as: constant, chronic pelvic pain (like I was ovulating all day, everyday only instead of eggs I was dropping boulders wrapped in sand paper coated with spikes: YEAH), sorry boys, avert your eyes for un momento but I was bleeding non-stop for WEEKS at a time. Yes. Weeks. And it was bright, shiny, 'fresh' 'new' blood not what we ladies typically associate with menstruation (I couldn't hate that word more if it came to my house and kicked my dog, honestly) and the deal sealer which almost nobody would associate with ovarian cancer was the pain in my thighs and lower back/buttock area. See, when we first got here in September I attributed the pain to having been strapped into a too full car for 3000 miles and then directly after that I bought a pair of shoes for that wedding that had just a bit (like 3 inch) heel which is approximately 3 inches more than I am accustomed to (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID) wearing so I thought okay: Lots of driving, lots of dancing in new shoes, that is why my thighs literally cramp so hard it brings tears to my eyes just walking to the mailbox. But that pain combined with the pelvic agony and bloodletting surely meant there was something amiss but I sure did not want this to be the answer.

So. It's been caught unusually early which is great. What is not great is that because of the MRSA (my forever nemesis) I am not a candidate for the surgery that is usually called for because your ovaries, while tiny (like walnut size), are intricately connected with a series of razor wire, trap doors and silly string that make their removal or even de-bulking fairly invasive surgery so instead I will begin chemotherapy treatments (combination of IV and oral drugs) likely next week. I say likely because I had to stop ALL antibiotic drugs this week and they will take more blood next Tuesday to make certain everything (and no, at this point I have no clue what that 'everything' includes) looks good to go. Thankfully, I can keep taking my crazy pills because shit fuck damn I wouldn't know weather to shit or go blind if I had to give those up at this point.

Well. There is that. You guys now know as much as we do which granted isn't much but I will say the Dr is hopeful that it will only take a series of three treatments and then possibly (because the chemo stands a good chance of killing everything, including the MRSA) they can at least do a partial hysterectomy (vaginal so no incision) to remove my hateful bitch ass tumor-y uterus.

We (sigh) feel, well. Not 'good' about any of this but even knowing just the little that we know, we're fairly confident that it was caught early enough to be treated with great success. And three treatments, pffffffffft, I can (hopefully) do that shit standing on my head (heh, that is total shit talking because I am scared to death of how sick this could make me before I get better). But we have a lot of support here, thankfully and people willing to step in with an assist with the kids if D can't be here all the time (which he likely won't be able to but again, all of that is up in the air right now) but either way, we'll make it through. We always do, somehow, I guess but damn if it's not hard to wonder when our 'good luck' (HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAHAAAAAAHAHA!!) will run out; we have seriously made it through a lot of shit in a short period of time and ......I just don't want that streak to stop now, if you know what I mean.

All that to say, yes, things look good. Really, really good given the situation.

But I am scared shitless and not even afraid to say that shit outloud.

Comments

[Heather]

Oh God, I am so sorry.

[Carolyn Bahm]

New reader here. No words to say how much I enjoy your humor and how much I wish I could hold your hand & pat it and say it's going to be OK. I hope you kick cancer's ass so hard you have to clean your shoes.

[Suburban Oblivion]

Holy shit, what a bomb to have dropped on you. After I personally give the doctor who didn't take this seriously a vasectomy with a dull spoon and a pair of pliers, you let me know if there is anything you need. I'm not your closest neighbor, but I'm close enough :) Seriously, anything at all. ((HUGS))

[FishyGirl]

Well fuckity fuck. I am so sorry.

[jodifur]

ohmyg-d honey. I think that you are not allowed to have anything else go wrong in your life ever. I'm so sorry and I'm here for you. Always.

[Bon]

sweet merciful shit. like you needed a little extra on your plate.

it's good that the chemo is starting fast...but yeh, scary...this is scary. i'm sorry you're having to face yet another test of your strength...i know you've got lots of it, and all, but seriously...you're kinda starting to show off, y'know? ;)

sending you all the luck i got, Shan.

[thordora]

oh hun. Email me if you need a shoulder. It's bad news week I swear.

[Lea Hernandez]

Fuck cancer!
And that doctor, fuck him too. Into the piranha dunk tank with that smiling shit who said my son was not autistic.

Thanks goodness you can keep your crazy pills.

Keep us updated in your copious free time.

[Redneck Mommy]

Fuckity Fuck.

Shannon. I'm sorry.

I'm sending you all my good will and strength and everything in hopes it helps in the upcoming days of dancing with the Chemo monster.

My heart hurts for you friend. But you have my best wishes and my love.

[MFA Mama]

Well fuck, and I do mean FUUUUUUCK! That is SO not what you deserve to be dealing with, and I am SO worried about you going off the abx (I know right? I'm sure you're aching to slap me since probably you're outdoing me with the worrying, but it's what I do) and onto immunosuppressive chemo, but I didn't know there was a chance it could kill the MRSA...that's something to hope for, I guess? Shit. It's bad when you're down to "gee, maybe the stuff to kill the cancer will take out the MRSA too!" If nothing else, I think all the shit you've been through will make adjusting to the side-effects of the chemo less of a big hairy deal than it would be for someone who hadn't spent so much quantity time with central access and bad side effects, but again that is a helluva consolation prize to go home with.

In other news "I couldn't hate that word more if it came to my house and kicked my dog" was really, really funny.

But...yeah. Overall NOT my favorite post to read from you, and I'm sure it was far from your favorite to write. I'll be thinking of you.

[Jen]

Dear Universe,
Can you please give this woman, this family, a freaking break? Seriously.

Dear Shannon,
Not that this matters at all, but I cannot stop giggling over "You might be mad but you're going to be mad with your boobs covered up." That crazy sense of humor has gotten you through a lot and I know it's going to see you through this too. If you ever need anything just call me.

[rawdawg]

new blood? TMI lol

[Headless Mom]

Ditto what they said.

Oh. And I'll be praying for you, too.

[Shannon]

Wow. I am so sorry to hear that! You sound like you have a great attitude, despite being scared shitless. I hope the treatments work as you have been led to believe. Courage to you!

[catnip]

Damn. I'm in complete shock. My thoughts, prayers, wishes, mojos, jujus, everything, is with you. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. ((hugs))

[carmen]

OMG - I am so sorry - I'm going to call yu later.,

xoxoxo

[Chris]

Damn. Hope this all works out for you Trucks. I'll be thinking of you.

[hillary]

I am so, SO sorry that you are going through this.
I'm glad you've got an awesome support system to help you get through it. You, lady, are so badass that this cancer will wonder what hit it. You are going to stomp all over this cancer and make it wish it never fucked with you.

[Rattling the Kettle]

Damn. Good luck with the chemo.

Damn.

[Ben]

Hi. I'm here from Hillary's (see above) whiny blog about having a cold. Since I'm new, I don't really know what to say besides the fact that I hate cancer's guts and if I could, I would punch it in the kidney. HARD.

Keep smiling and laughing. Stay positive and kick the crap out of cancer.

[Georgi]

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear about this. But your attitude, even the "I'm scared and I'm not ashamed to admit it" part, is inspiring. Best of luck.

[Kyla Bea]

I found you through Two L's Please - I'm so sorry & I'll be here offering support in any way I can.

[Marie]

Came over here by way of Hillary (two L's please). So sorry about this, but I hope you will get better and that shit cancer will be burnt to a crisp never to return again.

[ashley]

I'm so sorry about your news- but you're attitude about it tells me you'll have no problem fighting it!

[Angie]

So sorry to hear. BUT, it really *IS* good news that they caught it early, and the chemo does usually do quite a bit of good. As for your "crazy pills," there's no reason to stop them. In fact, lots of people use them to deal with the (obviously) stressful situation they find themselves in. If you need, I have lots of info on this stuff and would be happy to look for some more for you (I work for a hematology/oncology group). Just holler, and I'd be glad to help in any way you need. I know it's one more thing you shouldn't have to deal with, but you're definitely not alone. Lots of people are thinking about you and keeping you in their prayers. (((Hugs)))

[3carnations]

Here from Hillary. So sorry to hear of your diagnosis, but it sounds like you caught it early. Kick its butt.

[StickyKeys]

Jesus Lord baby. I always feel like a cancer giver because of my history so to make up for it I'm gonna promise to be here whenever you need a sounding board. It's not much, but it's what I've got, that and all the love in my heart. I pray for your health and safety, God bless you on this ride girl.

[Meg]

I'm sorry that it is the C-word, but I'm ridiculously glad they've caught it early.
Will be sending you healthy vibes via the interwebz.

[woodstove]

Shannon, all I have is the disconnected Verizon number.

Call me.

You do have a new doctor now, right?

Sorry about the punch to the gut, but you can do this, and there is so much information out there, and support now on the Internet that our odds are hella better than when we just had to rely on Dr. Yokel, and trust the sucker. (Dr. Yokels can be from anywhere...geography isn't part of what makes them.)

Hugs of course, but my research and coping (with all of it, not just the "FUCK!" part are at your beck and call here.

8 years and 3 months NED now...(no evidence of disease)

Love to you

[woodstove]

The "not just the "FUCK!" comment was NOT directed at the comments above--yikes.

It was a comment about a part of my reaction when I heard those words myself. After the "what?" and when I got my breath back, "Fuck!" followed fairly soon. After that I got too busy with survival to bother with the "Fuck!" part.

[Erika Jurney]

Are you fucking kidding me? Shit, Shannon. I am pissed and sad for you.

[terri c]

Damn. Damn, damn, damn. Mostly lurker but sending warm thoughts. And cussing like a sailor. I'm so sorry to hear this news.

[marie baguette]

came here through MFA Mama and I am so very sorry. I am wishing you all the best. Take care. PS Thank you for telling us your symptoms. I had no idea they were all linked to cancer.

[Karly]

Oh, I'm so sorry, but thank goodness they caught it early.

[Lotta]

Well shit! I'm so sorry!

[Christina]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this! It does sound like it was caught early, which is about the only silver lining in all of this. Stay strong and ask for the good anti-nausea meds. Zofran is wonderful stuff.

[Lala]

How the hell did I miss this this morning? damn it, shit piss fuck.......

[Lala]

How the hell did I miss this this morning? damn it, shit piss fuck.......

[Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children]

HOly hell, what?? I'm sending you big hugs and letting you renege on taking my whacked out toddler to do your cleaning.

I'm sorry. I'll be thinking of you.

[The Over-Thinker]

Well, DAMMIT. I can't remember if I've ever left a comment on here, but I feel like I've been reading you forever (linked through Hillary). I'll be thinking of you. Really--this is gonna stick with you. Just think--3 treatments--3! You can totally do it. Like a countdown to a time-out: 3-2-1. DONE. You're grounded, CANCER. You are an amazing lady. You will whip it. Best of everything to you. BEST.

[Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy]

I came over from Plain Jane Mom. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Doctors who don't listen are asshats. Your sense of humor is awesome and will take you far as you nip this in the bud.

[Ree]

Here through multiple links...

Anyone who calls herself a Charming Bitch can beat anything. Cheering for you!

[Marin]

I tried to comment earlier but my Internet went out right as I hit "post". The gist of it was that you are awesome, and I am so sorry that yet another damn thing has been put oh-so-kindly by that bitch, the Universe.

[Marin]

Um, I forgot a few words: "on your plate." As in, another thing has been put on your plate.

[Sunshine]

Oh, dear, I'm so so sorry!!! Hoping for the best!

[spider]

can't believe it. shit!!
i am glad they found it soon. same happened to a friend, and she is alive and kicking after chemo and surgery. they found it by accident, since they were checking up on her intestines.

but i am furious with the doctor who disregarded the CA 125 results. that sucks.
intentions for speedy and complete healing for you.
strength and love to you and your family.

[Missy]

(((Shannon)))
What everyone else said. Prayers ascending for you and your family--and your medical team.

[Diana]

I am so sorry.

[Heather, Queen of Shake Shake]

Will be thinking of you.

And really? The humor approach? KEEP IT UP! A merry heart doth the...how does that go? Yeah, I should stick to my martinis and not bible quotes since I'm a heathen, but you know what I'm saying.

[HeatherN3Boys]

Damn hon... As I was reading, I was wondering about the surgery... I got comparatively lucky with mine, in that one little procedure seemed to wipe out all my squamous cells and the small tumors that were blossoming. Chemo is a bitch, I know that much. But I also know you're strong, and you've got a strong man to stand there and hold your hair back while ya' upchuck. If they offer you something like Zofran to keep the puking to a minimum, TAKE IT! When my aunt when through her 2nd round (breast cancer) she "caved" and took it and said it made it a whole heluva lot easier to deal with everything else when she didn't have to worry about constantly throwing up. You'll be in my thoughts...

*hug*