ALL DONE

You know how when you have a particularly bad few years and you know, just KNOW, that things have to, must get better and you convince yourself that rock bottom, she has been hit with a sack of hammers many times over and there is nowhere, NOWHERE, to go but UP?

Don't do that because it will just make the next lower level of rock bottom hurt that much more.

D and aren't planning a wedding anymore; we're planning a divorce. D had an affair, a long, long affair that is actually the remnants of his last relationship before we got back together. The reasons don't matter, how it was revealed don't matter and really, end of the day, it doesn't matter. It's over, that's all and ...well. Best of luck to you, right.

My sister and BIL have officially banned me from their house and their kids. Two addicts have decided that I am a bad influence on their kids. If that isn't a kick in the clam, I'm sure I don't know what it but hey, what can you do, right?

My parents are here but they didn't move here because of me; they moved here to be with their grandkids so....yeah. Lots of support from that corner but again, what am I supposed to do? Take it and move on because fuck me, I don't see much of a choice there either.

I think to top it all off, I will go to work tomorrow and fire my damn self and get on with, again, good god fuck me running AGAIN, getting on and figure what in the holy hell this life is supposed to be about or for.

Have a great new year!

Comments

[carmen]

Holy shit, Shan. I'm gonna call you later.

[Caustic Cupcake]

Oh my god, I can't believe this. I'm so sorry, and I'm thinking of you.

I know you cautioned against this kind of thinking in your first paragraph, but fuck it: it has to get better, because there must be nowhere to go but up.

You don't know me, but if you need to vent, or talk, or anything, email me.

[jodi]

Shannon-

I don;t even know what to say. Please email me if you need anything, or just to talk. It just cannot get any worse for you.

[Lala]

holy fucking shit! You're in my thoughts woman.If there's anything the internets can do.....let us know.

[Redneck Mommy]

Shit, Shan. I wish there was some way I could make things better for ya...Best wishes.

[Shannon]

Ok, I've only been reading you for a few months so I don't know if this will mean anything, but I am truly, truly sorry! There's nothing to say but that I am wishing you much strength to get through and peace in the end. You are definitely in my thoughts.

[tigger]

I e-mailed you already but Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the DONKEY this sucks. I'm so sorry, my friend. You know you are always welcome here.

[Eliza]

Oh and that was me just now, not my friend tigger. Oops.

[fringes]

So sorry, Shan.

[Rattling the Kettle]

Well, that's just a kick in the balls. I'm very sorry that you're going through this.

[Erika Jurney, Plain Jane Mom]

Are you fucking kidding me? Holy hell Shan, I cannot believe it. What a betrayal. Because just what you needed was another rug pulled out from under you. Fuck. Just fuck. I am so sorry.

[celebrate woo-woo]

I'm sorry, and the whole situation pisses me off. I'm just so very, very sorry to hear you're going through all of this.

[Jen]

Oh my god Shannon, oh my god. I am so sorry. I am so very, very sorry but that just sounds lame to say because sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. I am wishing you peace and healing right now because, oh my god, it's just about your turn already.

[woodstove]

I have been sitting here staring at the keyboard. I may not have words right now, but I have a very patient and understanding pair of ears, and a heart that is on your side.

Call me anytime at all, 4AM and can't sleep? Whenever.

Sending you love, like a gigantic fire hose shooting it all the way to Portland, a powerful stream of light and love to surround you.

It's the lies and the trust betrayal that are soul destroying, far more than the sexual infidelity...it's the infidelity to your heart.

[Angie]

We've got each other, hon, to keep dropping to the next level - helps cushion the fall. (((hugs)))

[Devilish Southern Belle]

Just here via Linksational, and.....WOW. Sounds like you're having the kind of several years *I've* had up until recently. :: knock on wood :: Mine didn't end in divorce, but came awfully close and still may at any point.

I do hope this year brings a truly fresh start and looks way, way up for you!

[HeatherN3Boys]

I was hoping your blogging silence meant good things, and was crestfallen when I checked in on you to find this... I hope at some point, your BIL and sister will come back to their sense, or hey, even gain some and grow up, and realize that you're probably the best influence those children could possibly have right now, and probably for a long time to come, too. That would be a small dent, I know, but Jesus-Tap-Dancing-CHRIST! You're in my thoughts, Shan... Seriously, you have my E-mail if you need anything, and I'm an insomniac, so if you ever need to talk, that can be arranged.

[Candy]

My god, I don't know what to say. I've only been reading you a few months, but it seemed like your relationship with your husband was so solid. I'm so so sorry. All I can do is send my virtual hugs your way, and hope they give you some strength.

[Betel]

Shan, I know you don't know me, but I've been quietly reading your story since your beautiful boy was born. I won't pretend to understand everything you've been through, but I can say that you've got people all over the place cheering for you, offering support and love.

[crunchy carpets]

Oh man.....no no no...

I don't believe it...

Nice start to a new year for you too huh?

Shit, I am sorry...I hope things get sorted for you.

[a.j.]

God, Shannon. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this.
I don't have much goodwill of my own to spread around lately, but you'll be in my thoughts.

[Mignon]

Does it help to know people, lots of us whom you've never met, are wishing good things for you? I hope so. Portland is so grey right now. I hope you can go somewhere sunny, real or imagined.

[Knickers]

I can't believe this. I am so sorry. Take care.

[marguerite]

This is bad, it’s way bad. If you were my friend and showed up at my door one night crying and telling me what happened, I’d open a bottle of wine, get out some chocolate, and we’d talk and drink and snuffle about how goddamn bad life can be. I would tell you that it’s hard to believe now, when you’re clawing your way through these waves pounding you down, but, baby, you’ll get back to shore, you will get past this. At some point, you’re going to pick up your head, wash your face, and say to yourself, “Enough. My sister sucks, my man did me wrong, it surely hurt but now, enough. I’m going to be over it now. I’m not going to cry anymore. It’s been enough.” And you’ll start to get through it. And pretty soon, your life will start shaping up right, because you’re strong and you’re smart. And you’ll meet someone else, someone better, a whole lot better. Really, you will. Your sister will come around, it might take a few years. That’s ok, she’s your sister and will be for the rest of your life. You can take a few years apart. Right now you have to get into survival mode: get out of the house, do your job, get healthy, train for your marathon. This will pass.

[Jennifer]

So sorry. Wish I had something brilliant and comforting to say here, all I got is sorry.

[Wonder Woman]

I, too, have been quietly reading all that you have been through. Found you through Eliza. I believe someone earlier used the word "crestfallen" to describe their reaction to this news. I would add to that "heartbroken". I'm so, so, sorry, and thinking about you.

[Hills]

I've only been reading your blog for a few months and I'm fairly lurky, but I wanted to comment to say that I'm sorry you're going through this. Life can be a real kick in the clutter sometimes and all you can do is survive. I hope you get some sunshine your way soon.

[Deb]

Sorry I have been MIA, I hope you have better days!

Come take a look at my bok bok blog!

[Mrs. Schmitty]

I just started reading your blog recently. I am so very sorry to hear of your troubles. Like sucks doesn't it? I hope things get better, I really do!

[Mrs. Schmitty]

I just started reading your blog recently. I am so very sorry to hear of your troubles. Life sucks doesn't it? I hope things get better, I really do!

[woodstove]

Please check in Shannon, either here, or by phone.

Lots of people are thinking of you and sending you love.

[terri c]

Oh, no. I am just so very sorry. You don't deserve this.

[CMS]

I'm so sorry Trucks. Stay strong.

[Stacey]

I only say this in dire situations, but COME TO NEBRASKA. I will treat you right lady, even if only for a week. Get the heck out of Dodge to clear your head from that nonsense. I know it feels like you're spiraling out of control, but you have the chance to get centered. Just get out of there. I'm going to email you.

[Stacey]

Also, I noticed that this reply was late, but the offer still stands. Email sent to ya.

[Eliza]

Still here, still worrying. That and if I haul off and decide to finally kill my husband would you like me to take D. out while I'm at it? Might was well hang for a sheep as a lamb and all.

[Jan]

Wowza. Really, wasn't ready for this one when I logged on. Didn't see it coming actually. But then I didn't see it with my first husband either, so what good am I on relationship screwup predictions. Nada. But I found a damn good second one.

Losing a child together has been found to have divorce rates similar to having a child with a disability. Yet, we have defied the statistics with our marriage. You too will find the strong one.....or D will see how it is fun to diddle, but it is life to stay with you.

[maureen]

I check in on you periodically and I was shocked to read this.I am so sorry. Please know I am thinking about you and I am hoping for the best. Or at least better things for you in 2008. I know that Internet people can't hug you or cry with you F2F but we are trying our best to provide you with some support anyway we can.

[thordora]

I'm so so sorry. :(

I'm not gonna make up any kind of platitudes. Just that I'm around if you need an ear. Feel free to email.

[redsy]

Well that completely sucks! I'm so sorry. We're all pulling for you... and hopefully that helps ease the pain a bit.

[Gizmonicon]

I'm so, so sorry, Shannon. Wish I could give you some hugs.

[Jan]

where are you?? Worried.

[Mrs. Mustard]

Shannon,
Can't believe it. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I am definitely sending you a hug (or as many as you want).
Wish I knew what to say.

[Mrs. Mustard]

Shannon,
Can't believe it. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I am definitely sending you a hug (or as many as you want).
Wish I knew what to say.