CharmingBitch

Over by Carmen's Today

So, you guys remember Neil, right? The pretty fly for a white guy who let me post up in his joint the other day? Right, right, I KNOW. He is teh awesome. He has something of an on-going experiment on his blog predicated on the notion that everybody is interesting and has a story to tell. I couldn't agree more and as you can tell from my incredibly long and rambling answers, I apparently find my own damn self pretty fascinating.

ANYWAY, all you have to do to get interviewed is leave a comment here and the person above you will send you some questions and you will return the favor to the person who signs up after you. Neato burrito, yes? Yes.

As you know, Carmen is my eternal friend/confidante/girl crush and it was just kismet (and Carmen's excellent luck) that she interviewed me, someone she already knew. And it was definitively my excellent luck that she let me trash the place waxing poetic about phone sex, trucking and my deep and abiding dislike of a certain Drama Lovin Harlot (aka D's mom).

Most of the partners are new to each other and I think that adds an element of excitement in getting to know someone, figuring out what questions to ask and checking out a new blog. I will be posting an interview with Renee from But Why Mommy soon and I look forward to getting all up in her head. For now though, go check out Carmen's most insightful  interview with me here and give Renee and her super cute little girl a holler until the interview is posted.

I do seriously hope most of you guys will go sign up and let us know when your interviews are up and ready - Show us how delicious you are, bitches!

Over by Neil's Today

Have you ever wondered what exactly you would pack for a trip to Heaven? What if you were limited to just one carry on? Answers to that and more can be found in my guest post over by Neil's today while he turns his blog over to guest posters this week. Obviously I want you to read my blather but if you have a few extra minutes days, smack it up flip it rub it down in his archives. He's good people. Even though as it turns out, he doesn't have syphilis (how awesome is it that I didn't have to use spell check on that word - the kind of awesome that is spelled M I S S I S S I P P I).

All We're Missing is a MIRACLE

Ok! So we did the right thing with the kids and all we forgot was to get a suitable place to live. Details, details.

As you know, I gave up what was mine and D's apartment when everything went to hell with my sister in April. D had already moved into another (studio) apartment in January during The Bad Time so he had a roof over his head and when everything AGAIN went to hell with my sister (and BIL) not following through with her treatment plan, I moved in with my parents. This was to be a short term solution until D and I decided to either buy another house, upgrade his apartment or blow this pop-stand altogether. Well, given that we decided to go with the last option all we have as far as residential living is his studio and while we aren't particular about being all up in each others faces, I am guessing two adults, three kids and a dog would somehow violate both his lease and my senses in very short order.

On that note, I am out to find an affordable three bedroom house with a yard that accepts pets, has an open-end or flexible lease and is available, say, today. Oh and beds and miscellaneous furniture for the kids.

I predict today will be either amazingly successful or a concerted effort to kill me dead. Wish me luck. And if you have any contacts associated with rentals in Portland/Vancouver, please e-mail me: charmingdriver@gmail.com.

An Allegedly ''Brief'' Summary of July

So. As you guys know, July got off with a BANG when my love Stacey came to visit. Unfortunately, it went downhill with a swiftness after she departed. As I said then, my new medication regimen for both chronic MRSA and unyielding depression were giving me some rather unpleasant side effects (because yeah, charlotting yourself as an alleged adult blows in a most mighty way) and remedying that required a shit-ton of Dr. visits and if you know me at all then you know I would rather, on my best and most cooperative day, take a shovel to the back of the head than deal with Doctors. For that reason alone, July sucked balls.

This Just In: Cancer Sucks

July was a busy month both online and off for seemingly everyone. I apologize for apparently forgetting that I have a blog for (another) month or so. Anyone who has read here for any period of time knows that I sometimes do that and it's never intentional or something that I plan but like everyone else on the innernet experiences, sometimes life just gets in the way.

And other times, cancer gets in the way. Not for me, I mean to say that no, I don't have cancer but it is spreading its vileness all over the blogosphere with a frightening intensity this last month. Please go donate and/or visit the bloggers listed below and maybe help them have a happier day as we head into August.

Summer Lovin Had Me a Blast

My pretty, sweet and thoughtful friend Missy tagged me with a meme about music I'm digging at the moment. I've done this meme previously and it's interesting to see the differences from now to then (er, at least it is to me). That said, the directive is to list seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

Rather than try to put my words into the song to explain their significance, I think I will just pull a piece of the lyrics that will wrap it all up in a neat little bow.

The Hostess with The Leastest

So. I told you guys my Nebraska gal Stacey has been here for a few days. We have had a good time, mostly, except when we haven't because I am approximately 3004 years old and don't hold up well to social interactions that require leaving the house.

The first day she was here we were both low energy, her from a thus far very exciting vacation (chick has been to DC, NY, VA, Cali and now Portland), me from getting little sleep tending to two high maintenance parents. Stimulating, no? But we still managed to enjoy each others company.

Day two, she changed hotels and had to navigate for me, who has lived here a year, the way to the new (AWESOME) digs. We hang out, waiting for her other bloggy friend to show up and take us somewhere new to both of us except that we had lunch first and some combination of the lunch, my new crazy meds and the slightest exertion turned me into Stacey's Dottering (LITERALLY) Gagging Grandmother who had to excuse herself to run back home (and vomit copiously on the way). I know, right? Come see me for the best in Portland pizza, vomit and self sabotage.

Day three, Stacey discovers TEH AWESOME that is Powell's Books so the trip isn't a total loss. We also go see Sex and The City (of course, Stacey has already seen it AND has a boot-leg copy; Granny doesn't get out, like, at all) and love love love love love love love did I mention LOVE it; it didn't even feel like it was two plus hours and Granny only had to get up and go pee once during the whole thing. SUCCESS! We had a lightish dinner at Applebee's (because when you come to a city with 98844 good places to eat, nothing like sticking with the chains; you're jealous now, right? you're checking flights on Cheap Tickets RIGHT NOW, aren't you?!!) and went back to see Hancock. And lemme just tell you this: Disregard every review you have read because, yes, the ''plot'' is somewhat disjointed, the movie is crazy enjoyable. Will Smith + Jason Bateman + Charlize Theron = YAY!! GOOD MOVIE GOING EXPERIENCE!!1!

So, sounds like a good night, yes? Until after the movie when my stomach started rumbling AGAIN (tip: know how  you're going to the movies with your Granny? She has both chewable Pepto AND chewable nausea medications in her purse) and I AGAIN had to drop off my friend and go home to take my nightly meds (see, I knew enough to at least say: if I am feeling this bad NOW and haven't finished doping for the day, it's time to take it to the house) and generally wallow in my geriatric state.

Now, innernet, I wouldn't tell this to just anyone but since we're friends and I know you won't make fun or tell anybody, this is when the night got really interesting. All the way home I was sad for a few reasons, one that my friend is leaving today (Friday) and two that I had felt so ridiculously bad while she was here. She had such a good time everywhere else she went and while I feel comparatively better than I have in a long time, my ''better'' is pretty shitty in comparison to most other people, apparently. SO: Very emo self pitying drive home all the while ignoring that Very Bad Things were going on, gastrically speaking. Had I spent 3 seconds more paying attention to what was actually occurring instead of All Up In My Head, catastrophe could have been avoided. But instead I reached home, fiddled around getting my shit together in the parking lot trying to hear the end of, ''Midnight Train to Georgia'' on the radio and by the time I got out of the car and stood up, the less than forty steps to the front door proved too far for my stomach to hold out and I, to put delicately something that is inherently not delicate, ''Charlotted'' myself. I KNOW, RIGHT??!!
Granny knows how to end on a high note.

Sigh. So I will see Stacey this morning and have a (LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT) breakfast with her before entrusting her safety and return home to the airlines. Hopefully I will be able to both stay awake and remain continent in all functions throughout. Wish us her luck.

And y'all come back now, ya hear?

PS I know the photo quality sucks but my scanner is still ''somewhere'' in my car (and Stacey can attest that um, fully half of my belongings are ''somewhere'' in my car so the above pics are camera phone pics of photo booth pics but I couldn't not share them - I have really enjoyed spending time with Stacey - She's is, in fact, the shit. Promise & Swear.

Over by Jodi's today

I am over at Jodi's today sleazing the joint up talking about crack, recovery and how to set yourself free from the chains addiction (your own or someone else's) can throw around you.

Enjoy!

Originality and Parasites

First, let's all agree that nobody, anywhere, has had an actual original thought or idea since about 1847. All we're doing on any given day is what has been done everyday previous by ourselves or someone else. None of us have original careers, families, woes or joys. Someone else has already been there, done that, got the t-shirt and wrote the blog post. We just are not, as individuals, a society, a nation or world painfully preshus speshul snowflakes.

Second, let's all agree that our homogeneous existence isn't all that bad. It's pretty fucking great actually because in acknowledging our sameness we can discover and even celebrate our differences and distinctions that do exist. We all have families but mine may not look or operate like yours; we all have careers but perhaps didn't reach our positions taking the same road and in this neat little online world many of us have blogs that can absolutely have similar ideas or presentations without there being a need to copy or co-op ideas from anyone else because, again, nothing being blogged is new or different because we're all leading some derivation of essentially the same life.

Third, in accepting the above to be true, it takes seven different kinds of douche to accuse a blogger of, ''CLEARLY lifting unique elements from like six other very popular blogs in the same genre is parasitic'' especially when you consider that one of the ''unique'' elements include the  name of the blog (Fussypants) and referring to herself as Fussy (because, GASP, there exists another blog named Fussy although that blogger refers to herself by her name which is Eden). Because it simply isn't possible that FussyPants could be a long-standing nickname from someone's husband. Nay, tis parasitic, end of story. Coincidence isn't allowed on the innernets. Not when POPULARITY is involved.

The other ''unique'' elements that were lamentably stolen from Popular Bloggers include funny photo-shopped pictures ala Bossy because I don't know if you're aware but nobody else on the entirety of the internet has ever engaged in such. And Amalah's Advice Smackdown is the sole voice of experience and knowledge screaming into the void. I'm not sure, really, how Dooce fits into this because while the accusation states repeatedly there has been thievery from six other blogs, four were named but only three examples were given; I can only hope to shit she isn't referring to Dooce posting pictures and sharing stories of her child being a stolen idea because in that case, the internet as a whole may as well shut its damn self down in shame right here, right now.

What is funniest, to me, about all of this is that the very person pointing her emo-riddled finger  was extremely offended, found it odious even, when it was implied that she is a Dooce duplicate.  Well, let us do the Sweetney math: Dooce blogs about her struggles with mental health (check), writes about her child (check), posts pictures of her child and pet(s) (check), writes about her marriage (check), posts about things she likes (check) and frequently embeds video (check). Why, they are both married to men and have one girl child, they are practically twinz!11!! Parasitic twins, even!11!

But! And this is important to remember, kids! It matters not who did what first nor who does it better, it matters only that you and someone Popular are doing it at the same time and that and that alone will make you a parasite. Given that Dooce supports her family with blog ad-revenue and Sweetney does not, I believe the parasite in this comparison is obvious, no?

Finally, contrary to what is explained here, ''You suck'' isn't a criticism or carefully rendered statement of the obvious; it's nasty for the sake of being nasty and seeing how well that treatment worked for you in high school (and seriously, when you're excusing anti-social shit-licking behavior by referencing high school when you're closer to 40 than 30, it's less than believable and also, pathetic). Please to note also in the comments, Sweetney comes dangerously close to justifying her hard-earned non-conformist behavior by pointing out that, ''other people thought the same thing'' - way to mix it up, chief and state the obvious, ''Other people did it, so I can, too!'' which is again, the ''point'' of all this, right? It also may give you pause to consider that it's not so much your special breed of non-conformity (you're unique - just like everyone else, tiger) that invites shunning but it may simply be that you do, indeed, suck.

But don't take that personally, it's just a well-considered parasitic critique.

6 by 6: July 2008

My sisters in loss over at Glow in the Woods have an exercise in talking about the loss of a child and the far reaching effects in all corners of our lives called 6 by 6. Following are the questions for the month of July and my answers - Enjoy or overt your eyes, your call and I won't be mad atcha either way, promise.

1 |   How would you describe your relationship to fear before and after the loss of your baby?

Prior to being pregnant there were very things I feared; being pregnant was the most anxious and fearful thing I ever experienced. After losing Jackson, I am back again to being near fearless; I've lost the ultimate battle. Anything else, is a grazing wound, at worst.

2 |   Is your lost baby/are your babies present in your life? In what way?

Jackson is in my heart and thoughts daily. For most of the first year after he died I woke up almost nightly believing I heard him crying and it was an exquisite torture. But after that came a peace that has been intermittent at times but it's calming and healing. I talk to him in my mind and from my soul regularly. It may be a crutch but it is one that I clutch gladly.

3 |   Tell us about something said or done after your loss that left you feeling nurtured or supported.

My immediate family was awesome from word go, they were beyond awesome, really. But the community of people I know mostly only from the internet were incredible. Cards, letters, prayers and a blanket of love covered us through Jackson's illness and for months afterwards. They continually acknowledged Jax as a person, a living being and never, ever minimized him to being ''just a baby'' as did so, so many face to face.

4 |   Tell us about something said or done after your loss that left you feeling marginalized or misunderstood.

D's mother was horrible. She is habitually horrible to me but following Jackson's birth and our (mine and Jax's) subsequent illnesses, she lied, inflamed and discounted me in ways that are unfathomable to me to this day. Once we (D and I) decided to stop all the medications and heroic measures, she called me a baby killer. When we had Jackson cremated she upgraded me to, ''D's baby killing, baby burning wife'' and even now, it makes me cry to know those words were said, not about me but about my son; to have his life not honored but simplified into an insult.

Runners Up: Any derivation of,''God doesn't give you more than you can handle'' because: God may not not but life surely will. ''You can always have more.'' And..that means what? That Jackson is a good or a product, easily replaced and reproduced? And the Dr. who told us in answer to all of the tests to determine the extent of my MRSA infection and if further children  were even an option that we, ''could have as many more as we want to bury.''

5 |   What's taken you a long time to do again? How did it feel, if you have?

It has taken me a very long time just to feel again, feel anything, without filtering it through the lens of loss. The loss of a child simultaneously lessens the feel of everything  because nothing else matters so much while at the same time magnifying everything  because I beat myself over the head and shoulders for even trying to feel anything because again, nothing matters more than Jackson. It was a vicious cycle that I still catch myself loitering in, at times.

6 |   How would you describe yourself as a partner before, and after?

Before, intense, loving, demanding and secure. Immediately after, clingy, insecure and broken. Later, intensely aloof, shrill and unkind. Now, intense, loving, gentle and secure.